The Friend I Want To Have

A while ago, I told a portion of my circle of ‘friends’ that I didn’t think we were friends- in fact I thought we were more like acquaintances. Sure, we cracked jokes, and always rolled on the floor laughing whenever we were together, but to me something was missing – depth. 

I love love and for me this means that I value relationships; romantic and otherwise, so this ‘surface level’ friendship we had was eating at me daily. One day the opportunity presented itself and I felt the need to tell them what I thought. They were shocked. Things became awkward, especially because the conversation occurred via text. Recognizing this, we agreed to talk about it in person but that never happened and best believe I felt a way about it. They had several opportunities to initiate this conversation which they claimed they wanted to have, but took none. I thought to myself that they didn’t really care and if that was the case, then I also needed to stop hurting myself by caring. So I decided in my mind I was okay with being acquaintances; the real challenge was believing it in my heart. My longing for a deeper relationship made this even more difficult. I think everybody needs friends who become family, so I struggled with not being able to have that with them because I really loved them. 

Here is the plot twist though; more recently, in a conversation I was having with one of my girlfriends, God gave me what I call a ‘Holy Ghost blasting’. I made a statement which was a subtle complaint about these ‘friends’ of mine to which God replied: 

“Why do you always have to be on the receiving end of friendship? Be the friend you want to have.” 

Wow! If my jaw could drop to the ground it would have. I realized, not only was I a hypocrite, but I also had no right to think of them as bad friends when I had not done the very thing I expected of them. I was always expecting them to be the ones to text or call me to check up on me. It was their fault they didn’t know where I was struggling. It was their fault they didn’t know what I was facing and dealing with. It was all their fault. But, when God rebuked me what He was really asking me was this – Would I want to be my friend? He was trying to get me to see that, they had several opportunities to initiate that conversation but so did i. Why was it okay for me to expect that and it wasn’t for them to expect same? Ten seconds was all it took for God to check me and put me in my place. Ten seconds was all it took for me to realize that I myself was a terrible friend and until I became a good friend, I did not have the right to demand that others be good friends to me. They also deserve the kind of friendship I want from them. 

I have learned that it is one thing to feel you love someone, but to express that love is better. No wonder God demonstrated His love for us. He showed us He loves us. He could have just thought it. He could have kept that knowledge to Himself and maybe even told us from time to time, but it so much better because we saw His love for us and because we saw it, we felt it. We know it to be true. 

He demonstrated it to us. So I have to do same with Him. I have to show Him I love Him in the way I live- this includes being a good friend by demonstrating the love I claim to have for my friends.

Luke 6:31 “Do to others as you would like them to do to you.” NLT

Song recommendation of the day: https://m.soundcloud.com/osei-kyei-mensah/a-love-song-produced-by-nick